Life is What we make of it

The most important questions are what and why. After that, comes the how.

What do I want to do with my life? What do I want my life to be like?

I am 38 years old. I think more than half of my life has passed and only in the past 3 years I have been living a meaningful and purposeful life, meaning, that I have a specific plan and end goal of what I want to do with my life.

The first 20 years of my life, were dedicated to growing up. Doing well at school. Pursuing passions and having fun. I never really cared too much about the future. I tried to live life to the fullest, but I depended on my parents money to do so. I didn’t really have control of my life, because most of my decisions were attached and conditioned to my parents.

Then, the next 10 years, were just on survival mode. Trial and error. The realization that the 4 year university degree was good for nothing. Trying to find in what jobs my talent fit… job after job after job… Pay the rent, make it till the end of the month… repeat. Tried marriage for the first time… once again just in survival mode really. Because it is supposed to. Because I made the choice and then I had to live with it. Because the goal was to get married and I couldn’t see much past that, it ended up not working as we were 2 very different people with clearly very different visions of the world.

After that, it was a couple of years dealling with the divorce, with the failed jobs and relationships. Dealing with the depression of feeling like I was failing at life, when in reality, how could I even say I was failing if I hadn’t established a goal yet? And once again, survival mode: Get a job. Any job. Pay rent. Pay bills.

Then I moved to Budapest (as I have mentioned a few times in previous episodes) and my life changed for the better but I didn’t change with it.

I kept dealing the cards life handled me and living a life of trial-error-surviving-start again.

I got in good relationships and I ended them all because I was looking for temporary, immediate gratification. And then I thought I wanted something else, so I moved on to the next.

Yes I was living better… I payed rent, I paid bills. But I travelled. I went out. I had fun. Did I save money? No. Immediate pleasure. NOW. THe future? We’ll see about it when we come to it.

My career was doing great though. For the first time ever. Why? Because I had a purpose. I knew my goal in terms of salary, in terms of position… I knew my purpose.

It was when I applied to my life, the same principle that I was applying to my career, that my life changed… and it changed soooo much in 3 years. It has changed so much that me and my wife often wonder if only 3 years have passed.

So the first important thing that you need to take in consideration if you would like to change your life, is that you need to know how you want your life to be first.

We spend much of our lives wasting it. Have you ever thought about it?

We waste our life in jobs that we don’t like. In relationships which don’t work anymore. Living in a place that we hate. Why do we do that to ourselves? Is that what life’s supposed to be?

No, my friends. It is not. We make it that way. We are the ones to blame. The only ones.

We spend more time surviving than living. As I said, I am 38 years old and I feel that about 35 of those years were wasted.

My blood boils when I see people counting the years for their retirement, because that’s when they will enjoy life. Really? At 67 years old, that is when you will enjoy life? I am sorry but by then, there will not be much of a life to enjoy.

Should you save money for your retirement days, yes definitely. But you need to start living your life and enjoying it now.

If you need to work, find a job that you enjoy. If that is not possible, make sure that you don’t work more than you should. Say fuck work, after your 8 hours and go enjoy life.

Work is only 33% and 23% of your week. Even if I accept and understand that most of us need to work, we still have 70 to 80% of our lives to live in a way which brings us joy, and fulfillment.

Those 30% that we spend at work, need to be spent to build up the remaining 80% of your day, of your week, of your life.

The problem is that most people don’t know what they want of their lives. People don’t know what happiness means to them. People don’t dream enough. They know they don’t want that life, but they don’t really know what life they want.

One of the most important things which brought my wife and I to be together and what keeps us together, is that we know what we want from life. We want a happy, fun life… but wait a moment… everybody does… so what makes us different?

What makes us different is that we sat down and we sit down frequently and we talked about, we imagined and we even designed what a happy life looks like.

Living in a sunny, warm place, by the beach.

Lying under the sun.

Having good meals

Drinks by the pool

Travelling

Seeing places

Exploring things

Us.

After this was clear to us, we started taking actions to make that concept of happiness a reality and those 30% have the single purpose of making sure the remaining 70% the happy life that we have imagined.

So, even when we are not enjoying those 30%, we deal with it much better, first because we know that is only 30% of our lives but also because we know, that it will help us live the remaining 70% how we want it to be.

Yes, we pay rent and bills… exactly where we want to… in the place where we are happy.

We had a difficult period during lockdown because we had to sit down and talk about how we were going to pay the rent whilst now, we talk about how we are going to be happy next week.

Look, I understand. I know how it is not knowing how you’re going to pay the rent. How you are going to survive next month, next week. But I also know that to change that, you need to be brave and change.

Change the mindset from a surviving mindset to a living a happy life mindset. If you’ve been doing the same things for 10 years and things haven’t improved, then you need to change for things to change.

Stop arriving from work depressed and bringing that sadness, depression and stress home. Leave work at work. And then start living. On your way from work start dreaming about the life that you want to have. If you live with someone else, sit and dream together. Design the lives that you want to live. Imagine how your life would be if you could be happy. What little things of that life can you start doing, or having right now. And enjoy. Start building moments that will add up to the 70% and make your life better.

Start understanding if there is better option for the 30% that you need to spend working: something that you enjoy more, something which pays better? How can those 30% contribute to the happy 70% of your life?

Also, this is something that I did, start looking at where you are right now. Does it make sense? Does it make you happy? Are you there just because your family is there?

Look, I lived in Porto, struggling to make 650€ per month in jobs that I hated, paying a rent of 450€ plus bills in a tiny apartment with an awful view.

In Budapest I started with 1000€ per month at a job that I loved, paying a rent of 400€ for a nice apartment in a nice area of a beautiful capital city. Why wouldn’t I change? Did it make any sense to stay in Porto… just because my family is there?

And then, me and my wife, were paying 500€ rent in Budapest. We did some research and we found that we could pay from 500€ to 600€ In Algarve, the sunny south of Portugal and we could start working for ourselves. Did it make sense to stay in Budapest?

Where do you think you would be happier: In London or in Cancun? What if I tell you that you can live with way less in Cancun than you can in London. Not to mention the fact, that as long as you are smart enough, it is easier to start your own business in Cancun than in London.

Oh but the family… oh but the kids… oh but I lived here all my life… oh what if it fails….

Oh… But what if it works?

The family wants you happy and they would probably love to visit you in cancun rather than in london. The kids would be thrilled with a new life experience and seeing their parents happy rather than depressed all the time. You lived there all your life… and how has your life turned out so far?

When I moved to Budapest, I had no idea if it would work. I would be all alone if it didn’t. But, the worst case scenario was to get my family to help me buy a ticket back home and everything would continue going exactly the same.

But it was not with that thought that I packed my life and went. I didn't worry about the worst case scenario. I focused on chasing the best case scenario. And I had some of the best years of my life. Now I am only topping it up and making my life even better.

So, we moved to Algarve. What if it doesn’t work? It will. Because we are focused on making it work rather than living in the fear of failing.

And it is so simple to make it work. We just want a happy life. We don’t work hard to pay bills. We work hard to be able to enjoy a drink by the pool. To have a good meal at a nice restaurant. To go here and there.

Set a security net. Talk to friends and family and say, look I will try this, if it doesn’t work, will you help me come home? Great, let’s go.

Life is what we make of it. If you want your life to change, you need to change first.

If you don’t do it now, you will regret it later on.

There is no reason for you not to live a happy life.

You need to know what happiness means to you. You need to want that happy life. And you need to make it happen.

But, but, but… we can have a coaching session and for every but that you throw at me, I’ll throw 3 ways to go around that.

You don’t have to be rich to have a happy life. You don’t. Even if your job sucks. Your job is not your life. It is only 30% of it. So it is up to you to make the rest of it count.

Either we are what life makes us be, or life is what we make of it. It is your choice entirely. And when you understand this, you will be happy. I promise.